I woke up at 7am naked in my bathtub with the shower running. My apartment was so full of steam that my ceiling was dripping. Who thought it would be okay for me to get my own place, anyway?
I was totally willing to let her keep giving me blowjobs as long as she didn't think we were in a relationship.
I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
what part of “beer fountain” do you not understand
he's speaking broken english and calling me isaac.. this is not the australian i ordered for a one nighter
I woke up with glitter in my wounds.
It was more like a tour de entire bottle of wine in 14 minutes
He wouldn't let me leave his house until he made me orgasm once for every year I've been alive. The birthday sex song did not prepare me for this.
You were supposed to be my wingman and all you kept to her friend was "kill it with fire"..
Really this has to stop, if they get any younger we will be breaking the law
I just took like 30 condoms from the doctors office... no one can say I don't try to save my money.
I'm currently drunk proofing my room
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
its like probably shouldnt be sending pics of your asshole to strangers who work in the same building as you
I’ve got a lot of questions but the first one has to be where you got the flame thrower.
Randomize
