So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
i am YELPING strip clubs. This is interesting.
I'm one shot of soco 100 away from fucking a mailbox
I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.
Fuckbuddy couldn't meet, so she's trying to find a substitute to come fuck me. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
its not you its me. and by that i mean i am more interested in having random one night stands with random hot girls then having the same normal sex with u.
I'm driving up the street and can't tell if my ears are actually about to pop or not.
A solid 8.5 on the baked meter, I need to stop.
I just threw up every bad decision and it hurts
i woke up this morning and saw her in my bed and i said to myself, I think I might have a drinking problem.
you should probably know that there's a naked dude in your window
i wouldn't normally say anything but you seem to not be there
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
the hole that the tears left- fill it with pizza
Xanax and full house Tuesday is now Percocet Sunday
From what I remember I had fun, until I threw up, and lost my shoes..
Randomize
