guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
just taught 3 girls from korea how to fist pump on chat roulette.
just because you are in college doesnt mean its okay to pregame easter mass.
He calls it "his noble steed" and i plan to ride it.
Way to high for badminton right now. This is gonna be a shitshow.
I want "hickeys on my ass" sex
I'm kinda amazed by how many times I've texted the word penis today.
Hey to make you feel better about last night, I just shit my pants.
I'm not sure we can use safewords tho. She smokes so much she had to keep asking what the safewords was. Bondage and bongs don't mix
Current status: Finding an unwrapped portion of Subway sandwich in my purse at the pharmacy counter & picking pieces of tomato off my wallet while the pharmacist watches disdainfully.
Did you offer her some?
If only. Current status: Not that clever.
His flight was delayed by two hours though. I just got cock-blocked by clouds :(
I shit like a lady though so that rarely happens
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
He weighed maybe 130, his dick had to be 30 of it. SO BIIIIG.
Randomize