Earlier, I saw a homeless man that looked like Abe Lincoln, and I just saw a guy walk past wearing crocs and socks. I'm beginning to like this city less and less
no really all good couples have similar hair colors!
no more everclear, i just stood next to the toilet and peed my pants. then went back to the party soaking wet.
I'm pre-party power houring. It's so catchy I couldn't not do it
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
I just found out I lost my virginity the same day my parents did, 25 years later. This is my life.
Under no circumstances is it ok to do naked cartwheels in front of anyone. i don't care how much ecstasy you took
Idk but she keeps giving me s'mores and I'm having a hard time caring about her alcoholism because of it
If you're going to drink sriracha straight from the bottle whilst crying, at least wear the giant sombrero for the enjoyment of your audience.
Walking towards a police car with full spotlights on you while being fully erect..awkward exp. for both parties
Just had a med school interview with that doctor I fucked in college. He remembered. Asked if I still have my nipple rings. Overall, I think it went well.
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
I wish I may, I wish I might, get some daddy dick tonight
I am NOT losing my v-card to a guy who doesn't know my ass from my elbow.
Randomize