i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
explain the missing patches of hair on my cat. now.
Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.
Nada. Shooting off confetti and wanted to see I'd u could see it from ur house.
Wow. Its not even 11am.
We had to go visit his dealer in the hospital to buy some weed.
No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
There is a glee sing along. It's on random and they know them all. Like, the specific glee timings and pauses. I need to leave. I need to escape
Of the past 48 hours, 46 of them have been spent naked. I'd say it's been a good two days.
I ate a hotdog off the ground last night.
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
I AM NOT LOSING TO SOME FICTIONAL CROSSDRESSER
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.
We decided it was a good idea to go streaking through the campus. Everything was fine until the sprinklers turned on and we realized the keys were in his pocket.
Randomize
