Considering that my ex-wife dumped me to become a lesbian, the Universe owes me a threesome.
so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
i don't think it's normal to still be missing spring break.
We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
I feel like we should actually go to church one of these days to thank god for saving us from herpes and babies.
81 degrees in april.... Thinking margaritacicles, you in?
Are the homeless actually allowed to bathe in fountains located on Main Street in downtown Houston? Can Houston TX be so progressive as to condone public bathing?
So apparently blacked out me judges a man based on what type of dinosaur he would be...
all i remember was her shitting herself and asking me to call her parents.....i so didn't. when i woke up she was gone and left a note saying "we will be lovers forever"
Yeah but then I feel like it's worth it like bro you just stabbed me the least you can do is get me a fuckin otter pop.
One last thing: he lists glow sticks and tacos as things he can't live without. How would we not be friends??
Went to 7-11 to buy condoms with the $20 I found on the ground outside Rite Aid. A good day for drug stores
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
Did he at least walk u home
He offered. I dont like that shit. I want his dick not his presence on my walk home
I took it as a sign from the lord above that she wanted me to creep on these men.
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