No seriously, I have to sell the house because my wife found out I'm gay.
Just tried calling my phone on my phone because i thought i lost my phone.
Yes. Hungover. All the boys are going wakeboarding. Boys only. I wish I was a gay guy so I could go wakeboarding but still suck dick.
i would totally change schools right now just to be that new girl everyone wants
you made your cat watch a peta video with you, so you could show it how just how good its life is
we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
I sat on his lap and we shared a beer. I feel like that's an invitation to his dick.
I'm the saddest girl in a tutu right now.
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
let me drop the bass on your empty vagina syndrome
Because that's what you do with poop. You expect the worst.
Honestly I volunteered because the email made it sound like it was a once in a lifetime opportunity to be a sexual spy kid.
Excuse me I just made a hot pocket without burning down the house, I think i can do anything.
how is it I left wearing underwear then ended up with none? and why is it they are on you?
Randomize
