You're my little dorito
oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
he's a nude model. what could you have done to make him feel awkward??
Just saw a white stretch Hummer limo outside of CiCi's pizza. Way to live up to the stereotypes, Alabama.
It was ok at first, but now im getting freaked out by him jerking off to me doing yoga
I puked for half an hour, but I went and danced afterwards, and that made me feel better.
You are so irish.
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
He wrote on the paper that he wanted a "Ptitty burreto" from taco bell...when we ordered it the girl paused and entered "Potatoe burrieto"....we laughed
She kept talking about how amazing the banana she had yesterday was. Don't know if it was innuendo, stoned, or just a really amazing banana.
I just saw an easily 300lb shirtless man on a Vespa. My day has been simultaneously made and ruined.
Some daaay... Bet your bottom dollar that some daaay you'll do that mollyyyy
My Canadian brought me three bottles of maple syrup, a sunflower, and a pair of Oakleys back to the states...he's either drunk or he loves me
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
whatever bro. i had ice cream and whiskey for breakfast and its noon. this is the second worst christmas ever.
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
Randomize
