Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
he said he wished he had more hands so he could firmly hold my boobs.
her tits were misleading. turns out she wasn't cool, smart and funny
sorry for making everyone realize you look like bruce jenner
Dude I still wanna know who I had sex with on new years eve
Its so akward after he cums on my face. like usually the porn just ends
All I remember is yelling RUN as fireworks started going off in the kitchen. Who said that was a bad idea?
my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
remind me again why lemons and alcohol in the crock pot is a bad idea?
Ok so now that we've actually had sex do I get the last name or are u really witness protection status?
I'm terrified that I'm going to have a baby with a guy who posts snapchat stories while ignoring my texts
Would you still love me and fuck me doggie style if I had a dinosaur tramp stamp?
Used my brand new sperrys as a trash can to throw up in and woke up with someone's random key in my hair...new year new me:)
so.. please tell me you did not really sleep on the washing machine last night
guilty
Randomize
