i'm using my hot pot to make jello shots in a muffin tin. i'm never ever graduating.
I just heard someone say "gosh-darnit" and they didn't have a southern twang. I worry for New York.
Tell me you didn't have sex with my dad.
I mean turning down birthday sex is never the answer
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
I woke up in a hospital at three in the morning only to realize my pee is now going to be orange. I've grown to realize I've made all the right decisions
I don't know. What do people who don't get stoned do?
When he pulled it out last night I asked if that was as hard as it was going to get. I think I may have offended him.
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
All I remember is while we were making out M.A.A.D City came on so I pushed him off of me so I could rap along.
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
It's hard picking what to wear when you know the plan is sex. Like can't I just wear my robe let's just simplify this.
He stood next to me peeing as I was puking behind a car in the parking lot, telling me how much he loved me. On the other hand, he loves me!
Just found out my dad smokes weed too. Mom, grandma, all aunts and uncles, and now my dad too. It's like I'm genetically engineered to be a stoner.
Randomize
