I just want to get to the point in our relationship where I can get on top of her and fart and we can both laugh...not just me.
woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
Some dude gave me a questioning look as I came out of the women's toilet. I just responded 'blowjob' and he understood, then shook my hand.
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
Look I know it's late and I hope this doesn't wake you up but I feel like you should know that I'm sleeping on my couch in my own apartment so that my friend can get laid in my bed, and I would do the same for you.
Thank god for makeup because it looks like someone took a shit on my face
The girl that works the front desk at my gym invited me and my friend to come see her Tuesday during her shift at hooters because its her birthday. I still have a boner
WHY IS MY CAR MISSING A DOOR YOU BITCH
budget cuts
YOU CANT BLAME EVERYTHING YOU DO WHILE DRUNK ON BUDGET CUTS
budget cuts are serious business
Whoever owns the butter that i always steal out of the office fridge definitely put THC butter in there this time. Shit just got real.
First week back and I made to one class, its gonna be okay after all.
Teenager with grandparents staying in their room: is to blue balls, as parent waiting for teen to come home safe: is to sleep. You will live- love mom
Have you ever just woke up in the morning and felt pregnant
Dude hobos go hard. I learned a lot last night.
There's Dick Pix, Zorro, and The Little Engine that Could. I nickname my fuck buddies for the exact same reason why you don't name animals which you will one day have for dinner.
I went to a community college and majored in Bad Decisions. I'm not exactly a chick magnet.
Randomize
