I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
As it turns out, strippers don't accept checks.
I just did the nutritional comparison between 2% milk and Bud Light Lime.. the beer had less calories, less carbs, and less fat. It's not looking good for milk in my life anymore
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
You rode him down the last flight of stairs like a human sled.
On that note I give you a 10 for sticking the landing and staying on the whole ride.
Would you wanna look up as you cum and for a split-second see your dad?
Zach is always passed out on the floor somewhere.face down in a puddle of his own absurdity
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
This guy punched out a light, puked in the sink, stole the mailbox, then tried to tell ME that I had to leave the party... Then his dog shit on the floor.
I had to talk to the cops at my front door in a bathrobe, with the buttplug still in.
Pounded a bottle of Moscato in my underwear while watching Pretty Little Liars...am I really gonna be 30 next year?
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
He totally just went there for sex cuz he slept in her roommates bed the rest of the night after they were done...
pure definition of booty call.
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
How did you get so drunk?
Alcohol.
Randomize