She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
he drunkenly pissed himself on the deck, in the bathroom, and on my couch within the span of an hour
its like an avodart commercial...maybe he has a growing problem
For future reference, even the most well-intentioned game of whiskey pong is a terrible idea.
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
I found the perfect eye liner, it passed the blow job test, no smudging!!
i will be blacked out in the shower. come get me. 20 mins.
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
Man, I thought my dick was gonna fall off.
Dude, I didn't even think they made slap bracelets anymore. You okay?
Just saw an all male dolphin threesome from underwater viewing
I just started talking about my sextoy because I wanted things to be normal again.
Drinking a grey goose and water in a random chair that I found by the road by myself
So there's that.
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
I'm just gonna ride this ego train to sex town
At the light, his mom pulled up next to us while I was giving him road head. He forgot to tell me she was meeting us at the movie. So long story short, I convinced her I drove myself, pick me up in 20.
Let's do something tonight. I feel like setting things on fire.
Randomize
