see you put your penis in her and it's like an ignition key to start the crazy
We always say that. And then its 4am and someone is screaming at strippers.
She looked at it and said "your dick is like the golden gate bridge."
I assume it was your influence that had me go from DD to waking up out on the deck with one eyebrow shaved off??
It's all fun and games until you throw up hot cheetos in your drawer.
Don't. You get on the 18 year old. I'll get on the 38 year old. Together we will bridge 2 decades of cock.
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
I KNEW IT. I HAD A FEELING. THIS IS GODS CURSE. BREAK UP WITH A SEX GOD. GET ONE OF HIS PEASANTS.
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
The sweaty, naked apartment dance party wasn't complete until I threw the whole jar of glitter on us. It was like the icing.
He told me I look like a librarian today. I hope that means he has a librarian fetish or something
Disregard. He says he said I look "agrarian" today and just proceeded to compare me to Mumford and Sons. Fuck it, I'm going home and drinking
Note to self. The tub labelled "not water" does not contain water.
He has started theming his dick pics. I have one he sent his duck has a sombrero on. Another a Barbie is riding it.
HE'S LIKE A GREEK GOD BUT HE'S FROM BOSTON. HE'S A BOSTON GOD
pray to him
I WANNA PRAY ON HIS DICK
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