I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
Sometimes, dog treats look like people treats.
Should I go home with him even though I know my Run DMC undies have skid marks on them?
Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
josh has a chalupa in his pocket if you're hungry.
I kinda remember trying to staple rolls of toilet paper to make a pillow, but it's blank after that.
The TA leading my study session just said "now get outta here. I need to get drunk before class"
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
if all that ever happens for the rest of forever is drinking wine and eating popcorn, ill be okay
YOUR DICK HAS BEEN IN ME I DO NOT WANT TO BE SET UP TO MEET YOUR FRIENDS
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
HE FINALLY TEXT ME AND CALLED ME BY MY TWITTER NAME STAND BY FOR THE WEDDING INVITE, BRIDESMAID
Watching a guy pay his tab with a check. Jesus dude...
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