what, no i told him that it wasnt nessesary to put all 5 fingers in my vagina
and this is why i am such an inspirational person, i am the Joel Osteen of alcoholics.
My vagina is in bus station locker number 1465.You can go talk to it if u like -in the mean time I’m going 2show up drunk and embarrass u at work.
Just invented new drinking game watching Hocus Pocus... everytime they say "virgin" wetake a shot and yell out "to j****"
he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
he started drinking at 9am with grey goose and pancakes. He IS my hero.
I'm glad the dog doesn't judge me for doing leftover lines and watching George of the Jungle at 10 am
Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
The extent of "getting it in" was this creepy guy sticking his finger in my bellybutton
I come from a long history of big boobed German, Swedish, and Irish women. And then there's me. Mother nature was like "Naaaaaaah."
What's the best way to tell a guy he can call me when his impending divorce is finalized?
sorry for the late response. was in jail for 6 months.
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
But you''re still having sex with him. And a hobo convinced you to.
So... my daughter's new girlfriend Is the daughter of the girl I dated on and off in college Who ran away because she got pregnant at my house party. My Legitimate daughter Is probably fucking my Illegitimate daughter...
Randomize
