I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
He was singing Justin Beiber while we did it. I love secure Spanish men
and then he tried plucking my nose hairs. lines were crossed.
i decided what we are doing for your 21st b-day: camelbacks filled with margaritas
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
I'll be in my room with a breakfast burrito at 2:30. It's up to you...
New low reached: a cockroach has actually drowned itself in our dirty dishes. We are heathens. Cleaning dance party tonight. No excuses.
You merely adopted the alcohol. I was born into it. Molded by it. I didn't see the hang over until I was a man and by then it was only blinding.
Last night I made him sit on my bed and finish my burrito bowl as I chanted "brucey" over and over until he was done like they did in Matilda with the chocolate cake
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
We had sex last night...... This "Friends" thing is going well.
I started keeping track of my period when I realized you had a better grasp of it than me.
I can't wait to see you again. It will be like when we first started dating- but with less clothes.
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
Randomize