yeah I know. she is a stupid fat trailer trash bitchwhore and I hate her
but when she came up to me in the bar I had to be all like "OMG HEYYY how are you, I haven't seen you in foreverrrrr!!"
but for the record, yeah, I hope she gets mauled by a bear and dies
I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
making an appointment with student health services to check out my pinkeye on 4/20. they are going to thing this is such a joke
There are walks of shame and then there are walks of what the hell is wrong with you.
You passed out across the stairs with your feet and arms through the railings so you "wouldn't fall down when you blacked out and no one could get the pizza past you without waking you up". \n\nYou're the smartest drunk I know.
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
I've been trying to brush my teeth for 20 mins now... Mother of hangovers.
That's what you get for dating construction workers you meet in tunnels.
Is it a bad thing that I'm trimming my nose hairs in anticipation for the 8ball to be delivered?
There's a naked man in my car right now.
We were banging then all I remember is coming down hard and smashing my top teeth off his forehead. I just rolled off and tapped out. Done-zo
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
What has my life become? I'be officially recruited my fuck buddy for help getting my ex back.
I mean that was the nicest way to be dumped by some one I wasn't dating.
Randomize
