just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
i said send nudes i get bra and panties. thats not what i fucking asked for.
I just spent my lunch hour driving around campus yelling "TRADE LIVES WITH ME!" to all the freshmen moving in
So guy #2, the dancer, is programmed into my phone under the name H.uy. His number- 11 digits. I should have stopped drinking.
He just turned on a sound machine. I need to get the fuck out of here.
i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
Don't be embarrassed its me, I've licked your taint.
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
Woke up, moved an empty handle of fireball to spit blood, then put the morning cigarette out in it.
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
I'm experimenting with sincerity
She always used to joke about becoming a stripper. WHO'S FUNNY NOW?!
Shes yelled my World of Warcraft name when we were having sex, I think marriage is next.
Quit being awkward towards me every time the group is together. They're going to figure out we're fucking.
She was blacked out at her own party. It felt good to stand next to her while she laid on the floor and say "vomit does not look good on you."
Randomize
