Hey man sorry I got all grabby
Pray the makeout fairy visits me this weekend.
I wish there were college classes that were useful to your daily life, like how to pack a proper bowl in pitch black darkness.
How do you get mayonnaise out of... well jesus it's everywhere, let's start with carpets
The ultimate Father's Day bonding experience: Both getting bailed out of jail by mom for mooning some shithead cop.
She is the Michael Jordan of blowjobs. Unfortunately, her baby sister is the Michael Jordan of baseball of blowjobs. It does not run in the family.
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
I wish you could see all the crumbs in my bra....it looks like Hansel & Gretel got lost in my cleavage.
Incase you were wondering. Cooking naked turns into sex. Sex and cooking may lead to house fire....
Snow days are when you really appreciate that your neighbor is on your bang roster.
I ripped off the screen and literally supermaned through my bedroom window. That wasted
Woke up to your boyfriend in my bed last night. What's that about?
I'm so happy we share a mutual love of laughing at religion.
The cat was building a spaceship out of the carpet, my legs were cans of tomato sauce, and there was something else in that pot you gave me.
i don't want him to see me in a bathing suit.
hasn't he seen you naked?
well yeah, but it's different in a bathing suit.
Randomize
