i may or may not be watching the land before time
How do 1 in 4 women misread a pregnancy test; how stupid are women?
Is your delayed response due to the massive amount of judging going on?
I had to have the lights off to hide my face. I was laughing so hard I almost peed in her mouth
Would it be weird if I told you I thought of you when I masturbated?
Looks like I'm more than just your Mexico mistake...
It's not like I ment to feed you the shots of vodka, my hand just kinda slipped.
I am definitely the only sober one on this train. And the only one not wearing a business suit. Wow, Monday Korea.
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
Two chicks walked outta his room and all he did was beat his chest like LeBron and yell, "And 1!"
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
Im going to the gym...covered in the Brazilians cum
And how is that different than any other weeknight in your world
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
His penis is the only thing worth pursuing but all the baggage attached isn't.
Will u lay on an air mattress with me and drink vodka while we listen to Rick James?
The only thing I want for my birthday is a divorce from you.
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