bowling with tennis balls and shot glasses. whatever you dont knock down after 2 rolls, you drink.
its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
I don't get why Lindsay Lohan doesn't just blame her bad behavior on her twin sister from the Parent Trap. I mean nobodys seen her since.
says the girl that drank her shots like they were in a dog bowl
The good news is I managed to avoid the three cop car looking for me. The bad news is I no longer have shoes.
I got to explain to the guys at work today how i had no choice but to go to a gay bar because I was handcuffed to a lesbian.
I mean nobody wants to admit they ate 9 cans of ravioli but i did and i am not ashamed of myself
No need to talk. Eventually, he'll either stop coming over, or decide that it's a relationship.
And if not?
...I keep getting free bourbon and great sex with no expectations. You really don't understand that there is no "down side," do you?
Four times in one night? That Energizer bunny outfit lived up to the hype.
Vaguely remember? You pushed George and two other fellas out the way to hug me, screamed gandalf before chugging your beer and smashing the bottle on the floor. I lolled.
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
Lack of response to this text gains you a half hour of freedom before I initiate operations to conclude you are not, in fact, comatose. You requested no mercy.
Stumbled out of my bed this morning into the bathroom at 8 am still drunk, obviously. The Mormon on my floor was in the bathroom. I could practically hear her doing hail marys for me.
And he kept lifting up his shirt every few minutes to check if his nipples were still there
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