he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
At the same time. Hot men feeding me brownies. In between rounds of sex.
Trust me. My penis has made more than enough decisions this weekend.
If it makes you feel any better, karma just served me up a big dose of fuck you.
I woke up at 5:47 in the morning to you peeing on my parents bedroom floor. I think we've established that you have a limit .
Last night when you stole the construction sign you told me to tell you that first you did it for the money Than you did it for the music But mostly you did it for your family
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
Can I just say I love the fact that were in business with guys where I can write a hand job up hoes down text message
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
Today is going to be a great day. He just brought me a donut on his dick... It's Sticky Dick Donut Day!!!
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
Step 1 was make out with him. so now we just need to come up with step 2.
Ugh. All the good hoes are in their third trimester.
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