you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
He's married, a coworker, and a smoker. not sure which personal rule broken i'm most ashamed of...
Wait time out. Did I start last night with pants?
What color are my eyes?
Ummmm... 34 C?
I feel like I'm on let's make a deal. should I go with what's behind bulge number 1 or bulge number 2?
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
Who would've thought that Monopoly night would've ended with some girl peeing on the couch.
Nothing with ever convince me that she wasnt purposely left behind by our mother to ruin my life and fuck our family
It's all a blur. I just remember holding some strangers baby
Yah. Thai people are way too trusting
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
Stop calling him just to say, "my vagina misses you."
Well the streak is over, I saw a penis today
Kids music just accidentally came on at this party. I didn't know how many stoners were here until they all sang along.
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
woke up hungover this morning lying in a water raft covered in water.. i dont know if i should consider this good or bad
Randomize
