I used to have a blog that was basically all about ****** and all of his sexual misadventures
I mean it made tucker max look like a fucking alterboy
But unfortunatley his mom did a google search and found it
I have only been in this city 3 nights and there are already 4 bars I can never go back to again.
I don't have any food so I made a martini so I could eat the olives. Don't tell me I can't think outside the box.
Weed smoke burps in the boss's face. Job security.
She definitely looked like a troll, but I had take one for the team. Or at least thats what I keep telling myself
she puked ON me while she was on top, worst holiday hookup ever
I broke up with him in the bar & then asked him if he wanted to have a contest to see who gets the most numbers. I say I took that break up well
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
Someone has big plans this weekend. Just went to throw away the trash and saw packaging for 3 different vibrators on the top of the stack
my mom asked if I found my Easter basket. it's 1PM & I got home an hour ago from last night. if I'm looking for anything, it's my dignity.
I just spent the last three days trying to hook up with a dude for his pool privileges
Godammit I caught my hair on fire taking a bong rip
MY LIFE IS A TRAINWRECK THATS ON FIRE BUT SOMEHOW STILL MOVING, I HAVE THE RIGHT TO SCREAM OUTSIDE AT 2AM
I love you. Go after that dick
I didn’t want a minivan, but I have to admit it’s made it a lot easier to hook up with the dilfs at soccer tournaments
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