Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
Five girls, one freshman pledge. We're like our own Make A Wish Foundation.
definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
he obviously didn't care that i was sleeping and dreaming about ellen degeneres knitting me a christmas sweater.
also found a pic of my head in the microwave from the other night.. hmm
At the gym and this really hot trainer checked me out and was talking to his buddy about his workout. He then says "yeah man, like I'm doing so many reps- what's 7 times 7, 45?"
He was THIS close.
And really all I wanted was to be like "hey can I borrow your dick for a few hours this weekend?"
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
5 hours of volunteer work playing with puppies and banned from the frat I hate most as 'punishment'... Besides the ER trip, I'm not seeing the bad in this situation
You're like a human soul vacuum cleaner.
He dared you to draw a map of the USA on your wall in mustard. You drew something that vaguely resembled a velociraptor eating Oklahoma, got embarrassed because you forgot how to spell America, then hid out in the coat closet until everybody left.
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
Fun fact: You might be drunk if your vision is so blurry that you almost ask "do you know where my glasses are?" while you're wearing them.
Randomize
