Currently having a discussion about how bad cheating is with the girl im dating and the girl im fucking. This might be a sign that i need to reassess my life
My bracket is officially just a list of teams that lost.
Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
you kept going on about how you couldnt haven been the one throwing up because you were peeing in circles.
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
I don't want a mention or even a whisper of a Shakespeare Festival by that or any other name including, but not limited to, a fucking Renaissance Fair. Are we clear? It will be a DEALBREAKER .
My vibrator looks like a lipstick tube. So does my mace. I just realized the potential problems of keeping them both in the same bag.
I may be going to Mexico. I just met a drug dealer at a strip club. Seems legit.
I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
No more chicken and waffles served by drag queens at 2 AM. :(
I'm still laying in bed cuz I don't feel like adulting yet
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
I don't know which is weirder: that she was old enough to have a live-in son close to my age, or that the woman he was with was close to hers
Randomize
