well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
i like that octo mom she is my favorite xmen
we black-lighted her bedspread and it looked like a jackson pollock painting.
Shit. Come in my room. Bring a trashcan and an icepack
I just randomly started counting the number of guys that I've hooked up with that are now gay. 11.
I woke up this morning to my phone notebook open and written was "reasons why I'm a whore in chronological order" then it listed everybody I've had sex with in the past five months.
I was more concerned about the amount of mcdonalds fries on the floor around me than i was with my lack of clothes.
Can you send me the video of that girl that got arrested last night? I'm gonna try and hit that and I need something to break the ice with.
Oh, I forgot to ask if u have any idea what happened to the back of my ear and if u were present when I almost fell off the roof...
I seriously told a stripper I would hold her hand when she goes to get ass implants.
Hahaha idk what's worse your life or my hangover.
It's settled. One of us is going to bang her brother. The world demands justice and he's hot. We'll be the justice league if it were made of alcoholic whores
she chased shots of jack with a fucking steak. i'm in love.
Wait... why were you finger painting at one in the morning?
wheres my face? and why is my pocket so big?
Randomize