I'm sitting by the window waiting for the sun to go down so that I can start drinking.
We were naked in his bed when he asked me "what should we do?"
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
I've decided I'm peeing in a solo cup then throwing it on his windshield. It's official. He called the cops 4 times in our first week at the house. He deserves it, right?
Im in the bathtub drunk. Less than an hour before the interview. This will be the best or worst career move ever., support?
Oh we will ALWAYS be together. Or I'll have to delete my Facebook altogether. I've drunkenly boobie trapped photos of us into every album. There's no way I'd ever have the patience to go through that deletion process.
apparently i walked around all last night forcing people to beer bong whatever drink was in their hand. so far this morning ive had three people refer to me as beer bong man
I understand that just don't try to seduce me while making frozen pizza again.
LinkedIn just suggested I might know the guy I caught my wife fucking.
So i came so hard i almost passed out, where has this vibrator been all my life?
unless you want this visit to have a different tone... more romantic, less molly in a hotel room
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
Jus pulled over and stole. Corn out of a. Field. ... get on my level
got cock blocked by the cops again. two of the cops were the same ones from that t bell incident and they recognized me... they still dont like me
Randomize
