i'm pissing behind 7/11. if you guys leave... i'll think it's funny too
i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread
i need to know the scientific term for a guy's taint so i can explain what i did last night.
i gave you head in a backbend. if that doesnt say happy birthday i dont know what does.
he matches the description of mystery hookup #2, 4, and 7
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
I was just wished a Happy Valentine's Day by the (Mexican) Chinese food delivery guy. I've never had clearer "get your life together" message than that.
If you would give me the chance we might have the two separate pieces of the greatest fuck puzzle ever.
All he did was like my Instagram picture and I'm already planning how to turn down sex with him this weekend...
as much as I don't like snorting drugs, I would totally be fine with someone doing a line off my ass. that's just a whole new up
He's very cute and has a totally sit-able face.
I'm bringing pajamas, aspirin, morning after clothes and morning after pill
I need to take my iPad to the Apple store (when this is all over). Do I need to delete all my dick pics/videos or are they used to stumbling across that sort of thing?
Randomize
