ohhh my god. this party should be titled "my hookups of summers past" be expecting some good stories tomorrow
Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
I love how adderall is equivalent to money on a college campus. just got a ride home and paid the driver in adderall...yeeah buddy
This has been the biggest binge-drinking season of the decade.
How dare you. Idk what you called me, and neither does google translate, but you better take it back.
We should install the 'help i've fallen and can't get up' buttons on our bodies for this weekend. Birthday weekend calls for extra measures.
The dorm having an ice machine is their way of inviting us to make mixed drinks.
I'm watching a man in drag spread food products on his face my life is spiraling out of control.
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
I thought he was being really sweet and protective when he pulled me away from the guy i was hooking up with, but turns out he just wanted me to get chicken nuggets with him...
If I woke up in a pillar of smoke I suppose that's a sign right
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
Easy Mac and you are the sexiest things in my life
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
My boyfriend just called me on his poop break from work.... Is that what you meant by moving too fast?
Randomize
