I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
he refuses to go down on me anymore when he's high because he thinks my clit piercing stares at him
you kept searching pizza on facebook and becoming a fan of each page dedicated to it
you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
I decided to follow my clitoris instead of my heart.
21st Birthday Idea: liquor store gift registry. Give me a promotion.
This has been your unwelcomed wake-up call, brought to you by exes united. Have a good day, to opt out please type "STOP", to continue but act as though they do not exist please enter "DON'T CARE" for random daily wake up texts by exes united please press "PSYCHO!"
I can't even tell you how many rave sticks I tore apart with my teeth last night.
it would be a downgrade if your vagina tasted like skittles
michael burned off one of his eyebrows making a pizza so he had to shave off the other one to make it look even. it doesn't look right, but I'd still bang him.
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
Is it possible to break your brain with drugs?
Leaving the puke on the ceiling as a reminder.
look, im sorry that i yelled at your little brother, threw my car keys at him and smashed a stale cookie with a pool cue, but i swear to god i didn't poop on the floor. it was one of your dogs.
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
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