I mean roof. it goes up. its important day. you should recongziw it.
You're drunk. Make complete sentences.
It's not luke its my birthday or anything. Mike, understand.
I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
These 3 days between Christmas and new years when all the bosses are on vacation are essentially a competition to see who can do the least amount of work
jusi got death stares at taco bell because I asked if Denise was working.
I woke up to a text that said, "I can see you but can't get in." It was the pizza delivery guy who saw me passed out drunk on the floor through the front door.
It's gonna be one of those someone is getting divorced parties
I just put fruit snacks in my sangria instead of real fruit. Its like freshman year all over again..
We couldn't afford sangria freshman year. We're lucky we had fruit snacks..
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
Your dick is going to fall off. Be careful or you'll get callouses. A workingman's dick.
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
Apparently I had 2 bloody noses and after my sis put me to bed at the hotel, I escaped and my sister's friend found me in an elevator with some guy
We are the best cocktail. We look appealing, taste amazing, and ruin lives.
the most terrified I've ever been was seeing Danny Devito squirming on the ground in this underwear, covered in hand sanitizer, completely hairless
This is a friendly reminder to try not to shit on the toilet seat. If our 4 year old can manage it, I think you can too.
Randomize
