In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
you were so high you were expressing yourself in action figures
I just heard these 2 kids from flint and Detroit arguing over whose economy is worse... It's really sad what passes for competition in Michigan these days
our landlord thinks we're weird & alcoholics. he came in to fix our broken tub and saw the laundry door on our table for beer pong, the garbage bag full of empty fifths, and that one armed baby on the doorstep. plus he saw us swimming and yargging in our pirate pool that one time.
What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
I think this breakup is Gods way of telling me I deserve a bigger dick
Their was just 7 people standing outside eating a costco chicken, definitley at the right party
DO NOT EAT ONE OF DONOVANS WEED RICE CRISPIES. I REPEAT DO NOT EAT IF YOU VALUE YOUR EYE BALLS
There is a good chance that the other night after a wedding reception i was at that i mailed you a drink coaster.
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
brushed my teeth nine times since getting home, still afraid there are pubes hiding in between my molars. fucking gummy bears
So I just saw someone get shoved into a car trunk by your car.
Did we just second hand smoke crack?
She puked in the bed, peed in the closet, and woke up on a Rubbermaid in the closet under the stair case
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