if sarah has 12 dollars and spends 6 of it on cheap booze how much will she spend on hangover food the next morning?
4 on the dollar menu at mcdonalds
mom cant say that college never taught us math
Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
if pee wee herman would have taken a snuggie to the movies he wouldnt have gotten caught
"reccomended dose" hasn't been in my vocabulary for quite some time.
there COULD be a gas leak in our house... proceeding to smoke with extreme caution...
Saturday evening, however, will be my vodka and bubble wrap extravaganza.
You have my approval. I will dance and throw skittles at your funeral.
this probably sounds so sketchy, but hes going to jail in a month so he needs a place to crash for now. Hes sick though, and hes paying half our rent
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
Yoga may not b such a good idea for me today. My liver is obviously in cahoots with my colon to pay me back for the past 24 days of misuse . Downward dog could have catastrophic consequences.
I just jerked off in front of my dog to make him jealous of my thumbs. There are consequences for stealing the last cheeto!
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
My lash glue is stronger than my sense of self respect
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
can I CTRL ALT DELETE this universe
Randomize
