Do you want the good news or bad news first?
bad news
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
the girl next to me in class is drawing a guy banging a chick doggy style...its very detailed
We need to either drink and not go to waffle house or go to waffle house and not drink. I need to know which is causing these shits.
100% of annual heatstroke fatalities are preventable deaths! Don't let it happen to you! Also, you can catch crabs from almost anything! Be safe and have fun.
I was mixing candy canes and coors light and was in a great place.
I will not fill you in on the details until we get back, so do not ask. I got peed on by the girl I was hooking up with last night.
It's not that I'm in love with her, so much as I would love to be her lesbian experience.
These bubbles make my penis feel like it is resting on clouds.
I can always see lesbian subplot. It's my hero ability.
The bend and snap? 98% success rate of getting attention. When used appropriately, it has an 83% rate of return on a dinner invitation.
I just put on underwear fresh outta the dryer and it's like tiny Angels are giving them warm supportive hugs all over
DO YOU REALIZE HOW AWESOME MY GRANDMA WOULD BE IF SHE GOT HIGH
I'm gonna have to get a lube sherpa.
You ever fart so bad at work that you think about taking a sick day just to spare your coworkers from the savage olfactory beating they are about to receive?
He KNOWS ALL THE WORDS TO "JESUS IS MY FRIEND", I swear if he even tries to pull shit with me I'm becoming an actual nun.
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