Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
I cant believe we actually had a nipple party!
Well whatever you do have, it sure worked on me.
A Penis?
Coming down off exstacy at a church event. Resisting the urge to dance to the church hymns.
angela screamed across the room SHES A CHAMP when i told the pharmacist plan b doesnt make me throw up
Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
Given my current decline of critical thinking and capacity for speech it's probably best u call the cops
This shit I'm taking feels like I've eaten every burrito in the world and chased that with an aquarium of hot sauce.
"Bring the kids" is the most terrifying 3 words I've ever heard in my life.
I'M SO WET FOR FREEDOM
its so sad we are done celebrating 21st bdays everytime one of us turned 21 everyone else got laid
True love is when you jack off and continue talking to the girl you like
Why do you text me weird shit like this?
The creeper at the bar just realized we have the same birthday and bought me four beers already. He walked off so I took his change and dashed, i'm bringing the case over now.
Dude, she was there with her husband and I was there with my wife. Of course we banged in the bathroom.
He’s definitely circumcised. There’s not enough room in those speedos for a foreskin with that fire hose he’s packing.
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