You know if a vagina was a face, it'd be ugly as hell...
we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
I have "you made mistakes last night" written alllll over me.
when i start to cry when i lose at mario kart is when you should put me to bed
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
You never know how much you love your bed until you sleep with 4 other people in your car.
I woke up surrounded by goldfish. Thank God my laptop was here too. Now I don't have to leave my bed all day.
He would come to class in wrapped in nothing but a pink towel
Also bring a pizza or no entry to my vagina OR the fort.
Cheese only
We can't go back there. Ever. No context required, just know it's true.
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
he invited me over. we listened to jazz, smoked weed, then cerebrally fucked each other over a three hour game of chess
I got sriracha sauce on my mask while I was eating fast food, now wearing it makes me hungry
I’ve got a sex swing and lube, he’s not going anywhere soon
Randomize