if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
Dude?? where did you go after Wildcats last night? Last I heard you went off with one of the girls we danced with?
Negative - This is his GF, Bobby is in Jail for a DUI. Thanks for the info.
just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
I've been watching anime, masturbating and eating nutella for three days. I hope she never comes back.
i realized really quickly that drinking a bottle of vodka and 3 crystal light packets wasn't the best idea i've ever had
Are you really this nice or are you just trying to get in my pants?
Both?
The liquor store wont accept checks from us anymore.
Just because its your birthday does not mean u can play quarters by dropping quarters into cups to make me drink.
Oh, and also, a couple of straight girls showed up. But they ran away.
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
So ive come to the realization that my affinity for tattooed guys makes me the literal definition of tit for tat
Decided to stop by the store on my walk of shame. I must really look like shit, a six year old girl just walked up to me and said "my mommy wanted me to tell you Jesus loves you." Thanks kid.
Currently googling hangover cures, which looks a lot like working from the perspective of my boss.
Have you had an orgasm with an n95 mask on yet? It was better than being choked.
Randomize
