explain the missing patches of hair on my cat. now.
Also, just grabbed a bunch of "tuxedo black" condoms. formal, anyone?
Just watched a fat girl on a scooter run into the back of a bus head first
You are the luckiest man alive
So I cleaned the toilet last night at 2 am and woke up with pink eye. Never doing that again.
When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
Any idea who the guy in my bed tagged as rattlesnake dick might be?
I am assuming I was his dirty Mardi Gras mistake and I can live with that
I think I'm gonna quit partying for awhile. Piercing my own nose is where I draw the line.
The novelty of Nekkid Straight Roommate has faded.
I just remember looking over and seeing you on top of him and us high fiving. That's when I knew we'd be perfect roommates
so serious though like its almost like I'm playing a game that's my life and Im always losing
Someone had to wrestle her in the chocolate pool, I'm glad I was man enough to step up and do it
Taking one of the loudest shits ever at work and I have to say...I'm having a better time than I thought I would
Yeah, I'm pretty glad I chose you to have drunken, sloppy birthday sex with.
That's the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me
Is it acceptable to bring pot to a funeral or am I going to have to do this shit sober?
Randomize
