i'm lost and i look like a hooker
Remember in school when they told us our vag was made just the right size for our future husband? I must say I am enjoying trying to find that perfect fit.
Using your Catholic School education as an excuse for this? Why didn't I think of that?!
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
if youre pregnant and ruin my spring break i'll never forgive you.
she brought my homemade cookies with condoms taped to the box... im in love
You fucked everything up-can't pass a cleared kitchen table without getting hard
I knew as soon as he opened a beer with his teeth to shotgun it that I was going to sleep with him. I'm never going home.
you're avoiding the subject, i want to know how you ended up at the strip club with the dog, fucker
He's passed out. He nodded his head when I asked if he's alive though...so there's that
Dude your life.. At your sugar daddies house sending nudes to your fwb
I will have you know I turned Latino David Arquette down for sex because he's married. Total. Moral. Victory.
Flo's in town, ain't she.
Now that it's fall I have to prepare for the imminent arrival of ripped up sweatpants shoved into folded over sequined uggs
also I was promised more toga parties by popular media
looked it up online and zoo tickets are only 20 bucks and there's also a museum of science close to the hotel.
i'm not going to a FUCKING museum. i want to be wasted and possibly double penetrated... have you EVER been on vacation?
I look over and the both of you are naked, and he's eating chicken nuggets off the floor
Randomize
