It's not a real calculator it's a math calculator
so after morning sex, she rolled a joint and turned on sports center
you might have found the rare bro goddess. i thought they were myth
Woke up with a treasure map of my room stuck with sticky tape to my ceiling. followed it and found $75 with a note saying; "eat this if we're invaded"... I'm never getting stoned again
just told my mom that i'm having a bad day and she responded with "maybe you should pour yourself a nice drink". good to know that my parents support my future of alcoholism
Of all the shitty people we associated with, you should be happy that I'm the one fucking your cousin. Sorry.
At one point I thought we were going to have to fuck our way out of their apartment
Pretty sure that's a used tampon hanging from the tree outside my window.
This is your morning-after text courtesy of your very confused friend!! :) To discuss "what the hell were you trying to tell me last night," press 1. To laugh over your drunken antics, press 2. To pretend like none of it even happened (or to respond with concurrent confusion because you have no idea), press 3.
You can't have your cake and publicly stick your dick in it too
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
He and I didn't so much date, as watch cartoons and go down on each other.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
I literally heard an 'oh my god' when the shirtless Tongan appeared.
Made it to the top o the stairs ALIVE YES FUCJ YOU GRAVITY
Randomize
