Sometimes I forget to take my socks off when I masturbate. This always makes me feel like I'm accidentally in a porn.
oh, you know. just sitting in my bed high as fuck wearing a windbreaker and watching british tv.
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
some guy i've known for a week sent me nudes saying "you're welcome" i need an award for this birthday
then you said,"Take this damn cabbage!" although it was actually your shirt. i found you in the elevator of his building.
You look cute and you are awesome. And that means something coming from a judgmental bitch
Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.
You're lucky you got out when you did, about an hour later the girl in the Franzia box started wrestling everyone.
"Don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor..." he chanted helplessly
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
You told your family you're bi over the phone?!
We were talking about exes and it just came out....and so did I.
I know he's only a bandaid for my emotional disrepair, but he can stick me anytime!!
I made it out of the house. Success.
It's not better out here. I'm at Target hyperventilating in the aisles.
Get the fuck in, we're going to Taco Bell.
I woke up on the damn lawn again...it's not even summer yet
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