I'm just looking at Lindsay Lohan's vagina.
Oh yea! I was just doing that too!
She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
he's from indiana, of course he's clueless about "g-spots"
I ended up with a bullet proof vest and I still don't know his last name.
The homeless guy out front said it's his birthday and he asked us to join him for happy hour after work. He's buying a fifth of gin to celebrate.
I am way too attached to fictional lesbians.
Pants-less sunday? Also I'm high and independence day is making me cry
im coming over
I didn't ask for a picture of your soft dick.
The little girl I babysit saw pink plastic shot glasses in my car and asked what they were for and I told her they were princess teacups.
It wasn't a mystery that it was the pizza cooking in the oven when we stumbled out of the bedroom in a smoke filled apartment at 2am. We are dangerous drunks
I was telling my friend about your penis and the only word I could think of was voluptuous. You have a voluptuous dick.
she doesn't even know what year it is. She just stumbles around life with a bottle of rum
STOP IT RIGHT NOW IM BEING A SINLESS CHILD OF GOD IN BED TRYING TO SLEEP AND YOURE SENDING ME MEMES ABOUT DICKS
Randomize
