I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
I fucked the bump it out of her hair. just had to let everyone know.
we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.
i dont think the girl sending me nudes is qualified to pass judgement on me
I walked out of the bedroom naked holding a used condom only to be greeted by half of my family. Happy birthday mom
Aparently i was the only guy at her parents bbq throwing up in the pool so Im the asshole right...
BGSU move in weekend. Just passed a house w a beer pong table set up, ppl already playing, girls holding signs that say "son drop off". It's 10:30 am.
It's 6 am, I'm drunk, and celebrating the end of finals.Go ahead and ask me where I am...if you guessed a McDonald's playpen then you are correct. Badabababa I'm loving it
My penis is saying yes, several less important organs are saying noo...
We go out, we get drunk, we watch Star Wars, we pass out. What's wrong with this tradition?
If I had a vagina, my apartment would have been the Atlantic
Her weave came out on the dance floor. She was twerking and shaking one minute and her hair flew across the dance floor the next. Great way to be introduced to the family
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
Why is there a business card for people who need bail bonds in my wallet...
Just let a guy I just met eat me out in a shed at a baby shower. May have sunk to a brand new low
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