haha my mom just sent us out to go to all of the hair cutting places to ask for hair because deer ate all our zuchini.. and we have to pee in a bucket all day cause deer hate urine. please tell me we are normal?
i cant lie to you.
so her cute freckles turned out to be blackheads
So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.
well the hot one passed out so thats that, but then the fat one made chicken nuggets....totally worth it
Just found my shirt from Saturday, got an automatic contact buzz.
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when i get back.
planned ethnic drinking holidays while bored at work thru next may. I don't suppose you have any scots or russian in you?
Yeah but then he looked at me bleeding on the floor, said oh i guess you need to go to the hospital now, and left
Clearly that person doesn't understand how efficient getting drunk and working out at the same time is.
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
Should I tell them about my ticket for possession or about how I'm shitting blood? Which one will gain the most sympathy?
What kind of a birthday party isn't a get drunk and ruin everything party
i accidenteley seduced the christian girl's brother so i dont think we can count on free church picnic food again
And dildos are 35% off. So. Ya know. Savings.
Randomize
