Bad news: I had to be at work at 7:15. Good news: no one had used the bathroom yet so I got to defile a freshly cleaned stall
fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
My vagina smells like strawberry tangerine twist.
some guy just got out of his chair quietly. Laid down on the floor and is now asleep in between rows in my lecture hall. He must have had a rough night.
The only dream I remember having is one where my dad's sperm turned into baby hippos. Like, tiny baby hippos, pocket-sized. I am so fucked up.
Does your gf have any friends she can hook me up with?
Better looking than her though please.
he sent me a picture of his dick with a heart border around it
i told my boss i want to eat her tits. 90 percent sure i'm getting fired
Think of where it's been though. That Dr. Suess book, "Oh the Places You'll go" was written for his penis.
It was like an ecstasy filled massage for my vagina.
That's the best compliment I have ever received.
Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
it was also funny because at one point I woke up with my hands tied with a belt and we were both like what the fuck
...I watched him run on the beach yesterday and I think I started ovulating
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
His dick is social distance approved
Social distance approved?
big enough for me to fuck from six feet away
Randomize
