the $50 fast cash from checking button should just be retitled "8th of weed"
hey..i found a takeout box with a half-eaten hamburger in it, the box said to text this number if found...
If a Romanian girl's marriage isn't considered legal in the US then she's fair game right?
at one point he couldn't find his underwear so he put on my catsuit to go to the bathroom
I thought it went well, but he just sent me a video of me sucking an icicle on the fire escape of his building with the caption "The ice got more than I did." Somehow I feel like I owe him a blowjob.
We wore fake mustaches and shirts that said team mustache ride to a party we weren't even invited to
drunk freshman in the bathroom puking keeps saying "i'm a peasant" over and over
He said "I can't wait for you to feel me inside of you so I can tell you gently that you're mine" and left me a 4 minute voice mail of him crying after I told him I didn't want to be with him. 30 year olds are off limits.
He told me my outfit made me look like a twelve year old then proceeded with "but you don't look like a whore"
We turned on "find my friends" and watched her progress. Got concerned when she didn't move for an hour on Adelaide, turned out a booty call was made, then she went back to the bars.
When the strippers start dancing to Christmas songs it's time to get the fuck out!
Observations from Vegas: #1. Strippers pasties pose a choking hazard. #2. Best. Heimlich. Ever.
He gave us beer and shots and made us pizza in his brick oven before firing a handgun into the air to signal it was time to give us a ride in his inflatable raft to the bars.
He's like a mythological figure
It's a shame I've been hooking up with him for 6 months and he still doesn't know my real name.
I admit I fucked your best friend, but to be fair, you fucked the tristate area. So there's a good chance about 40% of those people are MY friends.
Randomize
