Breakfast of vicodin and eggs out of a solo cup at about three in the afternoon on a wednesday...I have my life together
She was sleeping without a shirt so I thought I wouldI sneaked a peek at her nipples..than I realized they were just warts...on her back.
Soo I have a handle of 100 proof captain, cupcakes, and nothing to get up for in the morning.. This blizzard is shaping up to be a great night.
I just blew my nose and little bits of weed came out.
It's cute how he thinks we're going to have sex again
Talking about the game in the closet with a banana wearing sunglasses.
Called Jeff last night and told him I wanted to have sex in the airport terminal. Blackout Brooke definitely came out last night.
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
And my only real exposure to Russian culture is you and Internet porn.
Hey do you have any hot friends that would settle for less?
Look, I'm just saying, she looks like a troll and works indefinitely at a shitty Chinese restaurant, so me sleeping with her boyfriend is the least of her troubles...
Growing a beard is gonna make smoking a pipe look so much more majestic
Had to drive my booty call home because he had an asthma attack after we had sex .. How was your night?
I just dominated some guy while wearing your moms thong
Yeah that was post sex. I was thinking in my mind, no wonder he didnt ask me to call him daddy since he actually is a dad
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