carls jr on main st. japanese tourist taking a dump in the urinal. reading a japanese newspaper and wearing a full suit.
be there in 3 mins
Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
Most guys don't get turned on by "skinny, gangly legged girl with glasses laying in bed touching herself." You better start working on your diction if you're gonna keep up the sexting.
They thought we spoke German and French even though we just kept repeating "I give to you a cat" and "Are you drunk?"
Haha its ok. When we got back you sat in the car and attempted to tell me in sign language you were blacked out lol
I swear I only do things like fuck 19 yr olds just to hear how you laugh when I tell you.
Lets just fuck. We'll decide if it was makeup or breakup sex after.
you don't know true fear until you are a convinced that velociraptors are trying to kill you through your roof.
I dont know what we smoked last night but I woke up and found out I started writing a book called White Trash Princess. Its the best thing Ive ever read
I just threw up again because I opened my eyes... God is laughing. I resorted to taking the Mexican Dramamine because I feel seasick from walking. Not helping.
how do you expect me to pass the time when I'm too old to be jailbait but too young to legally drink
I didn't think four grown drunk men could cuddle on a twin size bed, but we found a way.
Am I just high or is she having an auction for her vagina on Twitter
I think I gave a random lady a dildo
Again?!
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
Randomize
