My booty call said shes done doing the walk of shame. Wtf is that?
It's what anyone that sleeps with you, specifically, does when they leave. Some do it even when they just think of you.
I'm pregaming with America's Best Dance Crew.
Do a shot everytime Lil' Mama mispronounces a word.
Ended up passed out drunk in the neighbors lawn, still in costume. Neighbors thought I was a lawn decoration. Ten points for best Halloween ever.
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
Is being a pregnant whore worse than an average one?
Law school is ruining my masturbation schedule.
You missed out on a serious adventure. Cops were called. We put a chicken in someones house.
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
i will be blacked out in the shower. come get me. 20 mins.
I feel like we have both made good decisions regarding our vaginas lately
multitasking: i'm now sitting up and smoking my joint.
Sometimes I just want to serenade his penis with cheesy 80s songs.
Can we just cry and dive into a couch-sized bag of sadness-chips, dip them in a la-z-boy sized jar of depression salsa while watching a show called 'Forget Your Hopes and Dreams, Just Kill Yourself'?
Anddon't worry about me I have my Darth Vader flashlight
Her mom Is so hot that when she was bending over i just zoned out starin at her ass her dad slapped me on the back an said let me tell you son everything you see here is mine and you had better realize i felt like simba
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