you kept running across the street. everytime you made it across successfully you took something off. can't believe there were no cops around...
oh thats it?
The neighbors are smoking hash and doing Julia Child impressions...again.
dude, my ass and shoulder hurt from that kayak last night... note to self: wood planks holding kayak from ceiling do not also hold up a human being
My pupils are so HUGE you can see into my soul from 2 miles away
Go forth Daniel, drink, be merry... And meet some hot Asians for your friends to bang
if I was any more soft right now, my penis would be a liquid
He's going to be my graduation present to myself.
Both our collective sex appeal dies once someone cums on a snuggie kayla
if i had known the extra weight would have gone to my tits, i would have started drinking years ago
There's nothing quite like having a little 8 year old boy hand me a Bible on campus while I'm on my way to the health center because of my recent slutty tendencies.
Your actions as of last night have earned you over thirty new nicknames.
Ran into a tinder match at the bar last night. We spotted each other and started making out without speaking any words to each other. Fuck yea technology!
What was my myspace song when I went away to rehab?
I just want somebody to fondle my boobs while I read fanfiction. Is that too much to ask?
Do normal couples celebrate occasions naked with Chicken McNuggets and BBQ sauce?
Randomize
