I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
Dont get mad at me, it takes two to tango
IT TAKES ONE TO EJACULATE INTO THE OTHER WITHOUT CONSENT, AND SPOILER ALERT, ITS THE ONE WITH A SCROTUM FULL OF SEMEN.
You told my mom you were going to "Raw Dawg some randoms." That Drunk.
The cops showed up and one of them got pushed in the pool. When he got out he looked really sad so I got him a towel and hugged him. He arrested all the underage drunkards but me.
How do I know if porn I have watched is haunted?
so it turns out the huge bruises on my knees are from drunk bmxing and not getting railed from behind on the ground
and ill have you know that I only wiped out twice
Last year you twerked on my Christmas tree and threw up all over the bathroom...in front of my parents. We should probably keep power hour to ONLY an hour this year
orgy was averted by karaoke, thank god
I felt like I should've driven him home but I was holding in a fart and just needed him to leave
I've had more sex since the twins moved in than I'd had in the previous four years. They are the best wingman ever.
The first time he ever tried to hold my hand, I moon walked away.
He said I was so drunk and high that I had a conversation w/ his goldfish. The video shows me clearly conversing as if talking to a person w/ pauses in conversation and everything
For the record, if you sneeze while you have a dildo in your vagina and you dont have a good grip on it, that thing can get some distance.
I haven’t been this excited since I found out they sold cases of Jack Daniels.
Fuck you bitch. You're married. You got a live-in dick at home for your needs. I still gotta surf this shitty town's bars for cock
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