we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
HOLY SHIT! Did you see the dick on that Great White Shark?!?!?!
I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.
Come over and help me clean up your so-called "winter wonderland" that you made with the fire extinguisher in the kitchen last night.
ive got a scarf tied around my face holding bags of hashbrowns to it, im too boss to care
Don't talk about his dick. That's mine. There's a copyright on it. Use with permission
And then he told me he was too tired for me to suck his dick. Physically and mentally too tired for me to suck his dick. What the fuck?
Hows the party lookin?
At a live sex show right now. Not sure about the employee party
Don't get me wrong, the sex itself is amazing, but I don't think I will EVER get used to her habit of singing lines Jesus christ super star when she is about to cum.
Wait do we still get bagels if no one got laid
I know it doesn't seem right, but sometimes, bagels are just flat out called for.
My vagina: 1 Male stubborness: 0
Started mixing booze directly into the 2 liters and carrying them around. Mixing less often, and now kind of weightlifting,so double effecient.
Homeboy just asked me to strip for him. He should not be this horny and allowed to be in Vegas with his kid.
How do you make a Facebook status saying how much you fucking hate yourself without being aggressive enough for people to worry about your safety
Cuz that's where I'm at
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