no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
it turns out jennifers body is not good to beat off to. yeah its megan fox but when she pukes up blood = goodbye boner
I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
I'm afraid my bank account can't handle syllabus week.
you just used a box of cheese-its to get into the bar
You said eat breakfast. So i poured Baileys on top of m&m's. It taste just like like cereal I swear.
Well I squeegeed the puke off your arm at the gas station
I swallowed for you. Answer the phone.
How do we turn this unicorn pinata into a bong?
I try not to have friends with attractive fathers, it only brings my morals down.
I can't wait for you to tell me about your sex.
It's a short, short story.
Just woke up in my fuck buddies bed with, from the looks of her ass and side boob, a girl that is not my fuck buddy. This should be interesting
There may or may not be an ass shaped dent in the hood of my car. All I know is windshield wipers aren't as sturdy as you think to hold onto.
My boobs keep hanging out of this shirt. I think thats the style I'm going for tonight
Your grandma found me sleeping in my car this morning, and she wanted me to tell you she was going to church... Also, last night was amazing.
Randomize
