Pregnant stripper...not hot.
So I had sex in the woods... it was just as dirty as you'd expect it would be.. and not in a good way.
Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
i suspect the closest i'll get to a valentine this year is a 16 year old on chat roulette asking me to show my tits. step up from last year, i guess.
Judging by his buldge, this guy is huge. just paid steve to follow him into the bathroom and find out. They had a convo about it.
Do you think I could put your penis on reserve for tonight or tomorrow night?
Would you be mad if I just used the argument "I'm allowed to say that, my best friend is a lesbian"?
Never. I'm proud to help you win arguments.
It is officially Christmas time in Chicago. There's a drunk hobo on the CTA singing the first 2 lines of Frosty the Snowman over and over and over.
In other news it turns out I like Heineken.. In a desert island kind of way
come home. I need you. I'm too hungover to deal with this hangover alone
Church parking lot, park bench, front porch. I think she's more comfortable going down on me in public. May have found the one.
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
They pay me enough to pretend to be either helpful, or heterosexual. If they want both I need one hell of a raise.
I'm bathroom at buffalo wild wings
I think incapable of making pants work send help
...take a good look at your butthole.... then try matching it to any paint color on the Benjamin Moore color wheel....not gonna happen...
Randomize
