If you could channel this insane talent for stalking you'd be a great weapon for this country. If you had a crush on Bin Ladin, guaranteed he'd be found, monitered and tagged within five days.
Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
I need to get skinnier so that I know when pregnancy scares are real...
He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
Found a popcorn kernel in my pubes... Time fir a Brazilian
Just switched my underwear without taking my pants off don't ever be ashamed to be related to me
He should know he can't successfully wrestle in pudding fully clothed. Amateur.
I have a hook up buddy in Abiquiu. He lives next to a Chipotle; that's the only reason I see him.
I have a hickey in my new work ID photo.....
She was giving me head, and a cop pulled up next to us. I freaked when he looked over at me, but so did he and rear ended the car in front of him.
Interesting, I was always told to run away from crazy, but you seem to think we should run towards them dick first.
Who in their right mind would frost a cake with their butt?
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