cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
I just came out of my doctor's office and i look into the window and i see a guy sitting in the front seat getting head.
why are you so shocked? you live in brooklyn.
That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
I don't know how but I have our hotel room door handle in my purse... this can not be good
you handed me the dorito you were about to eat and told me to 'keep him safe' while you went to the bathroom
If I weren't her cousin I'd take advantage of her and this low point in her life.
I knew it would get worse when I said I think your roommate is watching and he looked over at him and said ... So?
FridayRule: If it takes you longer than 5 minutes to find a parking spot, you don't have class today
A lumberjack bearing the gift of small oranges or gymnast sex... I love you man but you lose that battle 9 out of 10
Welcome to a new world. May the gods of weed smile upon you as you embark on exploring this new dimension.
Our host-mom was rubbing her back sympathetically going "muy bien, chica" while she puked on the beach. So yeah, I think we got the best one.
Exactly best part of my night he took of his shirt and surprise traveler fanny pack
About 98% sure I just walked by some dude jerking it in the library. I'm guessing his college experience isn't going as planned
I'm hoarding IKEA meatballs in my purse
I just had sex with a man wearing a Darth Vader helmet....he pressed the voice button the whole time that said "I am your father". I don't think I can ever come back from this
Randomize