just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
Bartending School is so much more enjoyable now that I realized I was in rehab at this time last year.
Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
She told me to act like the hulk during sex. Shit got 9 different shades of weird
I am going to ride along with a cop tonight so please don't get arrested because that would be super awkward for me.
I'm out of town so we should be golden.
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
Thank you for the legal advice. I hope I can pay you in blow jobs.
I should not be allowed to reproduce. The world doesn't need my sarcastic asshole demon spawn in child form
All I need is $1,500, a beach ready body, a bigger dick & this will be the best spring break ever.
Yep. The ghost of my sex life is in your house.
If that guy asks u bout me, I said my name is Jenelle, from CT, I'm a cat behiavor consultant and I'm 29. Back my story up
I've scurried myself in your trunk come find me in the morning
i woke up this morning from the best one night stand. i made the guy mickey mouse pancakes for breakfast and when i walked back into the bedroom he said "marry me"
I know you're having a really bad day and I'm a little to blame for that and I'm sorry. To make your day go better just try to imagine what people's fuck faces look like.
Randomize
