nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder.
God. I'm so broke I don't even have a dollar to snort my adderall through.
Ha ha. You should see the things I'm doing to my body at Bob Evans.
If it snows I'm just gonna sit at my house in my costume and drink beer by myself all night.
You can do it. What doesn't kill us just drives us to drink
She saves ONE person's life while blacked out and now she's positive anything can be done "while fucking hammered"
Let me know when ur ready so I can throw up one last time then brush my teeth
The random guy I fucked from craigslist said I had the best smile. I take compliments where i can get them
I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
Drinking hard cider in a room full of freshman girls. Never felt so secure of my manhood
I probably wouldn't
Stripping out of my teacher clothes to Talk Dirty to Me. Who let me become a teacher?
Why is it that the asexual in our group is the one that gets laid the most often??
Maybe you should slow down tonight...
KINGS DON'T NEED ADVICE FROM LITTLE HORN-BILLS FOR A START
A drunk frat boy just jumped on the hood of my car while I was driving down Bridge St. He yelled at me to keep going since he was playing frogger and needed another car to jump on... or a log. I hate this town.
He deliberately gets me high because he knows I fuck better and then I make food for two. I don't know if I should feel mad or proud of him for thinking that far.
Randomize
