I kinda look like a classier blonde kenny powers.
she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
Have you ever looked at the 750mL bottle of wine on the seat next to you knowing that it's just not going to be enough?
Each and every day.
Drinking bud light and eating rice cakes...this is the closest to getting in shape for spring break as its going to get.
I just remember getting him back by licking the window on his truck.
Could someone please kill snooki before she contributes to the gene pool.
Oh wait looks like my cousin is getting deported THERE'S HOPE FOR THIS CHRISTMAS YET
I been sleeping but occasionally wake up feeling like tiny elves are in my throat ripping my esophagus to shreds with their bare hands.
Somehow, you made that sound extremely magical and not at all painful.
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
shes making a cheerios necklace using dental floss 'just in case' she gets the munchies later
Note to self: trying to grow pubes back = worst decision of 2014 thus far
Good night I hope you dream about knitting and threesomes
Plus who wants to live somewhere tom jerked off? No one.
the hole that the tears left- fill it with pizza
So now your dad has seen my tits. You could have told me he was coming by to help paint.
I didn't think you'd be painting the kitchen topless.
I couldn't find a shirt I was willing to ruin.
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