I wanna do crazy things to you in a tent
fuckk wrong person
.. who was that for? a girlscout?
So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
Life lesson: when driving and throwing up, choose a paper bag over plastic. Fuck my life.
im learning from these one night stands last time i came in her this time i came on her AND deleted every contact in her phone!
PS, you're not being slutty, you're "making dreams true."
She stared for a good 10 seconds before calling my dick "awe-inspiring", and then proceded to give me blueballs. All in all the ego boost made my night break even
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
What is a foreign vacation of stupidity without some fake names?
Nah, this is the University of Tennessee. She'll get the clap, and get busted for having pot in her dorm by spring break. This time next year she'll be part-timing at a community college as a nursing major. So predictable it hurts.
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
He came in two seconds and stole my pizza so I'm not counting it.
He sent me nudes and I told him he reminded me of Buffalo Bill.
If you're wondering about the mess, we had sex in the kitchen. There was noodles involved.
Throwing my sister a bisexual bachelorette party was the best idea ever. I made out with both strippers and the hot bartender promised to "gay marry" me if I take him as my date to the wedding.
I'm sorry, but the bed has won this battle. I got up, changed my shirt, combed my hair, put on some deodorant, and then looked at my bed and got back in
Randomize
