So I don't think its herpes anymore. Could be a sign of diabetes though. Is it bad that I consider getting diabetes 'dodging a bullet'?
I'm sitting at the bar eating dinner next to a nerd, a guy in a 10 gallon hat, and a policeman. I feel like I joined The Village People
These hangoverless Sunday mornings are becoming too regular.
we bribed her with croutons and jello shots.
Had a student tell me he misses the old Four Loko. He's in 7th grade. No one is allowed to claim I started drinking too young ever again.
He told me that if I were a guy he'd go gay for me. Honestly don't know how to take that.
You'd think the dry cleaners next door would be less judgmental for as much business as my theme parties bring them.
Idk how much more i could have responded my dick was basically trying to unzip the zipper and hop out
you stole two subs and a drink from jimmy johns and walked out yelling "get at me bitches"
Give me a minute. I'm trying to buy moonshine from a railroad worker named "Cowboy."
You then played what you called "a smooth jazz rendition of talk dirty to me" all thrusting your crotch at the bartender. Mom looked horrified, but my dad couldn't stop laughing
My Tinder date from last night is my Uber driver for tonight's Tinder date...neither of us said a word.
It's not "nice." It's the supermodel of dicks.
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score onr for mom.
Randomize
