so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
is it true guys wash their penises in the sink if they think they're getting laid at a bar?
it's more of a rinse.
A small cock is a small cock, don't blame the size of my hands
Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech
Not till Sunday. I'm going to sleep in my car. And I know. This place is insane. Blood on the stAirs 5 dollar slices of pizza. A girl on our floor had a stroke.
Also, fighting a very strong urge to nickname your dick Whitey Bulger, at least for today.
Thanks, college. Tonight's decisions brought to you by margs in a nalgene.
I had to physically pry the rocks out of your hands so you wouldn't throw them at the guy with the cowboy hat. You probably would've missed anyways.
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
Well the term Party is used loosely in this situation. Since it will just be mom wine drunk and us eating chips with multiple dips.
Just when I decided to go get a taco and a blunt cake it starts raining. Coincidence? or divine intervention?
Good god you suck at this wake up call. Seriously. If I can, after consuming enough vodka to subdue a russian soldier, muster up enough motivation to call you in the morning and send you naked pictures the least you could do is pick up.
The nice lady at the neighborhood liquor store informs me that we have a new woman-run neighborhood sex shop. Jesus loves me and wants me to have a happy Valentine's day.
First poop in my apartment for the summer, officially settled in. :)
Why did I wake up covered in glitter next to a half eaten cheeseburger?
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