I bought a bottle of 100 proof for the storm. I am going to drink until I pass out. I'm taking bets. 1:30 pm is the over/under.
Taking jello shots out of a big bowl from a measuring spoon. holla atcha boy.
He gave Paula abdoul a run for her crazy
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
She told me I was only the second guy she slept with. I told her she was only my second Megan.
bad decision saturdays are such a good decision
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
She just flushed the toilet with her head inside it...
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
We should drive around in your Jeep on snow days and get stoned while we help random strangers stuck in the snow. So much good karma.
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
I was too hungover to sit up and pull the curtains closed so I did it with my toes
Put viagra in his coffee. I did that with Geoff last month and three hours later I had bitten through a throw pillow and gotten a noise complaint from a neighbor
Randomize
