No, we just ended up walking around in his pool high and singing songs by The Wiggles.
out of nowhere you said let us see your boobs, then proceeded to pull my shirt down.
i gets down
Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
We went to red robin and there was a 15 minute wait so we went and fucked in the car. Quickies, endless fries, and a mascot handing out balloons- this is literally the night of my dreams.
i think i pulled off the nice guy thing too well. it just backfired later on when she thought i was actually nice.
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
Did you get an erection too during Paul Ryan's speech?
He wanted me to strip for him. I told him that we aren't at that serious of a fuck buddy relationship yet
Whatever. I am not explaining the physics of my dick slapping.
So I have to send you an email about my weekend, heretofore referred to as The Perfect Weekend. Wherein I have lots of awesome sex with a guy with THE MOST AMAZING BODY.
I look forward to this email. I will respond with, Condoms and Creepers: The Adventures of Online Dating.
I'm going to write a horror movie. It's going to be called "Fat People on a Squeaky Bed" and it's going to feature me laying in bed last night listening to my overweight roommate and her fat boyfriend tossing and turning all night
I feel like I was playing penis roulette last night nd I landed on the wrong one.
Honestly, I want an afternoon of mild abuse, mixed with face fucking and general molestation that turns in love making, laughter and cinnamon toast crunch naked in bed.
You would be proud of me, I did not take a dab at work today.
I'm worried about us. We are almost 30 and we still drink jaeger bombs till we black out. Wait, no I'm not. I'm excited about us.
Randomize
