i'm pretty confident that i watched a woman making love to a german shepherd.
They're here. One showed up as a slutty Crayola, and I think the other came as The Fat Friend.
My dad caught me fucking in the pool last night. He proceeded to tell me I needed to "quiet things down" while this guys dick was still in me. Worst daughter ever.
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
Quick!! What's a good reason for me to have rug burn on my chin?
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
Thanks for the Beyonce article. In other news, I just passed a man with the state of Florida tattooed on his face.
So I woke up alone in the hotel room clutching a bible to my chest. Explain, please.
Halfway through missionary I realized I was partially laying on his sleeping dog and idk that just kinda ruined it for me sooo
Made it to my hair appointment on time, and got some dick. Today is already a great day
He KNOWS ALL THE WORDS TO "JESUS IS MY FRIEND", I swear if he even tries to pull shit with me I'm becoming an actual nun.
Remember how I made that resolution to remain celibate for 6 months? Well, I just broke that
You literally made that 4 hours ago...
God doesn't care if you're a paramedic, you can't do that to someones cat and still get into heaven
How ironic... opening your legs for closure.
FYI there's a girl here with happy daddy written on her tits
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