your thong is hanging out like whoa
Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
all we did was drink wine and talk about how people who dont have facebook dont exist.
hot ketchup is not a substitute for marinara
I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
Woke up on the floor holding a sandwich. Shots. Never again.
Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
That would explain his violent outburst while watching barefoot contessa...
all i remember is being at the diner with her at 3am and her storming into the kitchen to make sure the chef gave me regular fries instead of home fries.
There is a 5-year old here fighting 'drunk monkeys'. He tried to knock a drink out of my hand with a plastic light saber...
Changed all my ex bf's names to "no" in my phone so the next time I try to drunk text one of them it'll basically be like Russian roulette
At least your vagina gets to vagina again. Dust that thing off.
You started yelling about vegans ruining the world. Because we drove past some cows eating grass.
I don't know how I got home but I'm pretty sure the guy in my closet had something to do with it
I'm sorry but it's something you and your A cups wouldn't understand.
Randomize
