my house keeper must think I'm a prostitute.
the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
i go for whatevers easier....i'm bisexual strictly due to the convenience factor
Hindsight is 20/20. Or a bladder infection.
He told me that if I were a guy he'd go gay for me. Honestly don't know how to take that.
Fuck underwear. Let's get stoned and eat ravioli.
Can we pretty pretty please go to Mardi Gras tomorrow? I promise I'll be a good girl and not puke in a pledges car
I was mid hand job and stopped me because he wanted to "connect" which meant putting his thumb in between my eyebrows and a hand over my heart and closing our eyes...
There is a Victoria's Secret pageant on right now with Taylor Swift singing in lingerie. I didn't know a penis could get this erect.
In other news, I woke up still drunk and I think I literally just broke the Guinness book of world records for most bloody Mary's in one day...
I've never been so excited to have my ass in so much pain.
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
We need to stop smoking. I just ran into a glass door.
Randomize
