did u really fuck my little sister???
im not saying yes or no but just know that my answer rhymes with "mess"
she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
I'll show rhose boucners: You don't let me in, I poop on your pool.
Just did an upsidedown spineboard shot. Gotta love lifeguard parties.
It would only make sense that I'd cheat on him with his best friend on the ides of march...
You called me to pick you up from the bar at 9:00. When we drove over the speed bumps you put your hands in the air and pretended you were on a roller coaster.
I have a rage boner right now. An actual erection brought on by the amount of sheer hatred I have towards nationwide.
The only downside to doctor sex is that getting choked with a stethoscope leaves marks.
I need to start a penis folder so I stop "accidentally" showing people my junk. On a side note- St. Pattys penis was a hit, four leaf clover and all.
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
OH MY GOD REMEMBER ALL THAT I LOVE NEW YORK I DVRED BECAUSE I JUST DID
You gotta have 1 orgasm for me and the rest can be for you. I'm living vicariously through you 😂
There is a guy down by the river wearing a zebra print speedo and a sombrero, with a beer in each hand, screaming "This is America bitches!"
Omg I got up from his bed and almost did a header into the wall because I came so many times I forgot how to walk.
I showed up drunk and covered in glitter, smelling like stale booze and dirty stripper and my younger brother gave thanks his life wasn’t a shitshow like mine
That’s how my thanksgiving went
Randomize
