I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
school has made you so classy.
that's mcgill. producing sluts since 1884.
She said, "I don't really go out much, but my husband recently cheated on me" and I don't remember anything after that.
Thank God I did Vegas bombs with those cops at their Christmas party. We should so be in jail.
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
I'm going to have to take an awkward trip to the front desk to ask them if they found a pair of turquoise shorts and an "I'm the Mom" sweatshirt.
Just smokin in the creek with some deer, they like the smoke, I know.
sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
Okay who let me pass out in a recliner cuddling a pitbull and a cardboard cutout of Orlando Bloom
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
The neighborhood cougar just purred at me while I was doing yard work. I’m terrified and tumescent
Feel free to drag me back to reality at your convenience
Of course he’s dumb. He’s got a 9 inch dick! There’s not enough blood in his body for a big dick and a big brain. It’s science
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