I'm totally counting that party when he kept putting his hands down my pants as a date.
He just washed his hands with scrubbing bubbles yelling "They work hard so I don't have to!"
Just scheduled a cocaine deal around my drug counsler appointment. Why yes, thank you, I do enjoy the irony that is my life.
She left scratches down my back from her wedding ring. Her husband seems like a nice guy though, judging by the scratches it had to be at least a carat.
Someone tried to flush pizza down the toilet. Well, at least tried to
Is my lip ring still in your hair?
If I weren't her cousin I'd take advantage of her and this low point in her life.
Hey we need to step our game up. Dad has us beat; he stole a vending machine once.
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
I started blowing him in North Dakota, and I finished the job in Minnesota. Oh, the places road head can take you.
So just what does one wear when attending a sex toy party with ones mother-in-law?
Jeans and a nice top.
someone snapchatted me a porn of two guys dressed up as pterodactyls double teaming a girl
She came 4 times, called me a god, then made me breakfast. I don't think she is ever going to leave
I'm pretty sure I just smoked a chunk of cat food. Thought it was something else. No reply needed.
After 2 minutes he came and said, "thanks for everything". I can't wait to hear what he says next time when I do more than just lay there.
Randomize
