she was using a pencil to fish crushed adderall out of a plastic bag. it was like a college version of fun dip
My eyes got the double whammy. Once with pepperspray from the riot the other with cum. Both of which i did nothing to deserve.
just peed on my foot to get a spider off. that lazy.
21st Birthday Idea: liquor store gift registry. Give me a promotion.
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
what kind of roommate is she really? she wouldn't even hold my hair back.
Oh and my new excuse for not being able to hook up is cholera, feel free to use it
He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
michael burned off one of his eyebrows making a pizza so he had to shave off the other one to make it look even. it doesn't look right, but I'd still bang him.
Do you remember ripping my condom off last night while yelling "I DEMAND MY MEAT RAW" like a Viking?
Also food confession I ate an entire bag of starburst jelly beans today. and a plan B. All around think I hit all my nutrients
I already left my house once this summer. Maybe we could do something in October.
I put on that one song on Titanic so he'd fall asleep. When I was positive he'd passed out in a drunken fit, he outstretches his arms and says "I'm flying, Jack.."
Also I've decided to start stealing shot glasses after I do the shots. You in?
Randomize
