You know it's time to leave Spain when you are back and forth between Skype and a Spanish dictionary trying to figure out out to say "I can still smell you on my skin."
He lets me throw up in him even if i do it mistakeily- erica talking about the toilet
I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
You asked the waitress for a vasectomy and handed her a butter knife, like you were ordering something from the menu
Babe, the 4 years we've been together have been amazing. Will you marry me?
are you seriously doing this over text message
hahaha no, but i am dumping you.
So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
Besides the whole peeing blood for a week thing, it was the best sex of my life.
Like I had to call my dad because I couldn't manage to unlock the door. And when he got there to open it I was climbing the gate to get in.
Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature?
There was booze on his face and I wanted it. I'm not sorry.
It's amazing to think about how many Obama victory sex babies are being prevented by Obamacare free contraception.
your fridge is broken, your sock drawer is full of snow, and you flipped off the whole stadium on the big screen. I'd say it went well.
I'm smoking pot with a man in a pink suit, size 15 wide shoes who bought his bowl from a place called Chinese Bling Bling while I'm dressed as a unicorn drinking pumpkin beer
I just realized now that you're pregnant we can't use alcohol as currency
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