dude you have to find out what a girl's name is before you sleep with her. if her name is debbie she's boring, if her name is lauren she's an overrated hoebag, if her name is meagan she gived bad head.
I can totally hide my daquiri in my sling.
I am particularly sorry about getting dome in your backseat. And for thinking you wouldn't notice.
How do you say "I'm sorry I beat you up while cumming" in German?
Yea dude. I'm gonna be the life of the party. THIS BITCH GETS DRUNK BY HERSELF
Had a guy offer me a shot. But he wimped out when I asked for tequila and instead ordered gummi bear shots. I don't think he has balls. I didn't stick around to find out.
We're living together and you don't know if I've seen Titanic?!
Life's too short to be sucking dicks in cars for the rest of my life.
I just found out who gave her jelly shots. You owe me a new mattress.
we got cupcakes after we fucked. gives a whole new meaning to sugar daddy
I almost had sex at the fire station last night and I need you to acknowledge all the awesomeness that is in that sentence.
Kick open the door, strike a pose, steal a boyfriend, end scene.
I don't trust him but hanging out with him might be fun
he's literally satan but yeah probably
I woke up in the middle of the night on all fours turning circles in my bed! No more patron for me!
Have I told you i love you?
there's no need we are two peas in a naughty pod of fuckery
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