My mind said no, but my drink said yes.
If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
For future reference, a lint roller appears to be the easiest way to get glitter out of a beard.
I just wanna not walk straight. Is that too much to ask for?
I know the scar will be in an obvious place, that's why I'm certain it'll score me cancer blowjobs
His health insurance plan WILL NOT cover Lasix surgery but it WILL cover 100% of a penis enlargment operation...
He said I went to go sit outside and is promised I wouldn't leave he brings me a chair and I'm gone. He found me stumbling a half mile away in my socks
Well I almost walked away with an Irish guy's boarding pass and some south guy's dignity
.......The other day I peed on him in the shower....he was trying to touch my boobs and I wanted my space.
We really gotta change brands again because 2-ply is making us feel like the celebrities we aren't.
I'm just going to have crazy good sex with him until one of us developed feelings that works in the movies right?
Justin just used the term "industrial strength colon blow".
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
You ran into the tattoo shop screaming PIERCE MY TITIES
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
Randomize