I seem to have left my pride at pride
Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
what do kids with lesbian moms do for father's day? like do you talk about it? is it awkward? do you get the butchy mom a card?
You litterally reached into some girls shirt, pulled out her tit and yelled whats up with this guy.
I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
After a couple hours you decided you were going to walk home but ten minutes later you called and said you'd puked by the side of the road and you needed us to drive you to the art museum.
WHY DIDN'T YOU INVITE ME TO RUN THROUGH TACO BELL'S SPRINKLERS AT 4AM?!
I've never felt more disgusting in my life. And I'm including the time I snuggled that homeless woman in the puddle of my whiskey vomit.
Why did I wake up to grapes taped my ears ?
Sorry dude, we didn't want you to hear us. Seemed like a good idea at the time.
i snuck out to taco bell in my hospital gown earlier
I asked my boyfriend if he wanted a bong for his birthday but he instead asked for corndogs
the cheaper the better
You've opened Pandora's butthole my friend. There's no going back.
We're lying on the pavement outside of the college. No one has asked if we're okay. I think they all understand.
Well it might’ve been because you asked to play What Makes You Beautiful at the club
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