This isn't the rejection hotline, is it?
my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
In case you were wondering, my scare crow is wearing your outfit from last night.
We shoved chex mix between her tits for her own survival.
He kept waking up periodically throughtout the night to bit my ear and pass back out.
We thought she was passed out on the toilet, but she raised her head to tell me the word I couldn't remember was "empathize." Then she puked blood and passed out.
5am update: in a toga seeing triple made out with both sexes
Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man
I think you just miss his friendship.
I think it's his ability to give me multiple orgasms.
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
Are ropes allowed in during conjugals?
So chicken strips and confidence do not you make you sober.
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
I accidentally stubbed my dick
What does that even mean?
I'll be coming off of 7 days of not drinking. No horse tranqs either. I haven't been this sober since I was in the womb
Randomize
