Lets get really high and only speak Spanish to each other again tonight
Just bought plan B with a coupon. Told the pharmacist I like to keep it classy.
Every day you talk to me ... I literally love you more..
You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
they shut off the water. shaving my legs with soda. that desperate.
He had a cowboy hat I don't know where from and he was trying to lasso a snowman with a dog leash.
I have a new game. It's called "how weird can you act before a guy won't fuck you". I've deducted most guys are willing even if you're batshit insane.
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
Fuck you for setting me up with the guy from the Nickelback cover band
Payback for not stopping me from fucking the guy in the wookie costume
Just ignore his excessive use of exclamation points and be happy this one is of age.
You fucker.
Because everytime she talks to you she goes in her room and plays Come Sail Away on repeat. Can't take this shit anymore Jake
I told him we could fuck whenever was concurrent for both of us
I'm not finished with being a sloppy white girl alcoholic. I didn't postpone having a husband and kids for sober weekends.
There is no issue with you seeing me...morally or ethically. we'll update your resume anyway. I really need to have sex with you later. Really
Who put my cat in the fridge?
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
Randomize
