The project manager just came into talk to me for the first time and I had justed googled best drum solo ever and couldn't X out of the screen.
You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
he got promoted. that means i have now given my new boss chlaymida. i need a new job.
I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
Just did lines off your face, congrats on getting in the magazine bro
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
time for you to cut the loving, understanding, non-judgmental crap and say/do whatever it takes to make sure I never, ever, ever sleep with him again ever
A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"
Berkeley was the right choice
Last I remember we played rock paper scissors for who would fuck the guy with cowboy boots on and I won..
I feel like this has turned into my work. But if I get paid sitting under a desk, that's perfectly fine with me.
Rush week is fine, only the t-shirts are white and if it rains, the frat boys in their lawn chairs will be treated to 800 freshmen girls in their first wet tshirt contest.
Welcome to college.
i just called my dad a bottom. he agreed
I slept on her porch...in her dads handcuffs
Guuuuurrrrrl! He ate the 🌮like it contained the Covid-19 vaccine!
She dropped the call after she told me she doesn't want to hear about how loud he can scream.
Randomize
